new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
