dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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