i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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