OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
