i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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