so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
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I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?