I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.