i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?