So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
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i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
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Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.