I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked