I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
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its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
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Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha