Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee