Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..