I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore