somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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