Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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