its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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