I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
