Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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