I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize