Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
