First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize