Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
