Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
drinking out of a sandbucket again
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize