she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
