Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize