Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked and annoyed.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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