dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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