She announced her abortion via fbk
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
