You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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