butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
