I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
