I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.