Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
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Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
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There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look