life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
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She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
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We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.