Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing