Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.