I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there