New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.