the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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