I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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