no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
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If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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