Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize