I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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