so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
