Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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