I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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