All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize