Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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