I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.