I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting