im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
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I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across