i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.