And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon