I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
