When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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