Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
