hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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