What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
