foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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