you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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