the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
