ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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