onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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