did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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