If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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