just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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