I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
