some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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